Relationships, of all sorts.

I may not be a guru on relationships. However, there's a few simple facts that I truly believe in.

Relationships take time. You need to take time for each other, you need to take time to get used to each other, and you need to take time to work out disagreements. You need time to create memories that would last a lifetime.

Relationships are full of give and take. It may seem that you're giving way more than you're taking at the beginning (for either or both parties), but hang in there. The rewards you'll reap is more than its worth.

Relationships is about sharing. You're sharing your time with each other. You're sharing your affection with each other. You're sharing both good and bad times together. Sharing good times doubles it. Sharing bad times halves it.

Relationships is about communication. Talk to each other, reassure each other. We cannot read each other's minds. Talk and be heard and understood. Listen and be understanding and accepting.

Relationships is about trust. Trust each other with your hearts. Trust each other with your emotions and well being. Trust each other to be faithful and do not do them the discredit of doubting them.

Relationships is about acceptance. Accepting that there is never a "Perfect" person. Accepting the person for who they are, and most importantly, accepting yourself for who you are. You may compromise, but you should never ever hide your true self.

Relationships is about love. Be it Platonic Love or more, its about love nonetheless. The willingness to help, cherish and care for each other.

Relationships is about tolerance. Tolerate each other's bad points and their occasional laspe into the void of emotional weakness by supporting them as much as possible.

Relationships is about honesty. Be honest about the way you feel and the way the other person makes you feel, but don't be hurtful about it. Be honest to yourself. To quote an old cliche line, Honesty is the best Policy.

When I mention relationships, it is not only between a couple, it is for all types of relationships. Be it between friends, or family members, or married couples. These are the things I try to follow the best i can regarding every relationship I have. With my parents, siblings and my extended family. With my friends, both old and new. All relationships needs work, and that's what makes them all the more worthwhile. That you put in the effort and risks and it still came out wonderful. If at the end of our lives, we could count anymore than 3 great friends, we are blessed indeed.

Now, the reason for this post was brought upon by several factors. The most recent being the problem that arises between two very close and dear friends of mine. I just wish them all the best in sorting out their problem. It breaks my heart to see them so at odds with each other. The second, just as recent factor is the marriage of my uncle, Elgin, and his new wife, Leanne.

Elgin is technically my uncle. He is also merely 9 years older than I. My dad's first cousin. But my grandad is the 5th out of 7 children, so there's alot of first cousins in my father's generation and even more 2nd cousins in my generation, with many more to come. He was already married by law in Brisbane, Australia a month earlier. However, Elgin and Leanne came back to Singapore to celebrate it with us, the super extended family. The church wedding was beautiful. Simply beautiful and serene. They were both nervous, it was very obvious, but they both made it through fine. The Wedding Dinner was even more fun. There were alot of touching moments. I'm not particularly close with my relatives on my dad's side of the family, and I haven;t seen Elgin in YEARS, possibly more than a Decade, but for some reason, I remembered him quite well. Such events, with the presence of most of the extended family, makes me wonder why we don't have family reunions more often, until I remember exactly how many of us there are. The MC called for a Mr. Lam during the wedding Dinner. There was too many in the room to count. There's about 5 Mr. Lams Present from my granddad's generation. An Additional (thinks) 7-9 from my dad's generation. And about... (thinks) 11 from my current generation. Let's not even think about the Ms. Lams. There's way too many Lams in that ballroom. Not to mention exactly 2 Pamela Lams and 2 Nicholas Lams.

Its ironic, I know. My granddad's twin brother's grandchildren. We weren't exactly in contact when my bro and I were born due to some family issue I never really asked about. But suffice to say, both parents was extremely surprised when, during the first reunion together, lo and behold, two of the same name. Ironically, the other set of Pamela and Nicholas are also siblings. The other Nicholas is about the same age as I am, and the other Pamela is the same age as my brother. Doesn't this just makes your head spin? =P.

Anyways, had a lovely dinner with the super extended family. After the whole thing, my mom, bro, uncle, granddad and I went to the KTV lounge for a few drinks, and in the case of my mom, uncle and myself, a few drinking games. It was fine overall, dispite the fight that almost broke out on the next table and that some american guys tried to flirt with me while I was outside the restrooms waiting for my brother to come out. They really need better pick-up lines. I knew the counter to all the lines used on me. Sad isn;t it? For them that is.

Anyways, in terms of schoolwork... Biology exam was do-able, but I won't put my hopes up. Exams have this nasty habit of failing me when I'm expecting a pass and crushing my hopes in the process. I just do what I can do - Hope for the Best, Prepare for the Worse. There's a Mathematics Exam for me in merely 7 hours, and I still have a chapter to study, so I'll be going off to study now =P. I've procrastinated long enough.

Exams, Exams and even more Exams...

I need more memory space in my brain. Really, I do, there's simply not enough time, nor brain power, for me to finish all my revision on time. My brain feels like giving up.

Tuesday, chem paper. Didn't finish on time. Some stupid chinese teacher was standing right in front of the gigantic digital clock in front of the hall. As a result, I can't see the bliming time. I have the worse luck in the world.

Wednesday, Maths paper. I expected the usual routine. Get the paper, stare at it, try to do as much as I can, and finished up those I can do only to realised that I had 1.5 hours left (out of the 3 houred paper) and that I was seriously screwed. This time was different. I did as many as I could, and for the first time in JC life, I didn't have enough time to finish my maths paper. There wasn't any idling sitting about stabbing my calculator in hopes that I'll get a nice answer. I'm not sure how maths went. Its the same old story. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

Now, I'm doing biology (oh what joy... if you can't detect the sacarsm, we need to converse more). Its not that bad actually. Biology is easy enough to understand. The only problem is the sheer amount of memorising we have to do. My brain isn't meant to work like this, unlike my computer, I can't update RAM/ROM, I can't increase memory space. I'm screwed really. Oh what fun.

I'm screwed. Royally screwed. I got my ass handed back to me on a silver platter by my exam papers, and I've 6 more papers to go. Like I said, hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

Oh a completely unrelated note, my friends (who takes physics paper) were roaming around lot 1 today. They passed by popular and realised something really interesting. They were selling Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. HARRY POTTER BOOK 7! They're selling it one month before the release date. I don;t know if they're just blantantly disregarding the release date and started selling the books the moment they recieved them, or its an error made on the CCK branch of the popular store. Perhaps some poor confused fellow who's been living under a rock the past few decades assumed that since they've recieved the book, they're entitled to sell it. I hope that they're still selling it tomorrow, so I can grab a copy after my Biology test. BUT, I won't be reading it until after my exams. I'm not sure how effective it will be for motivating me to study, but I *need* to read the last book and find out once and for all what's the end of the story. I just hope that they're still selling it tomorrow. I want my Book!

I'll end this post on that note. I've about 9 more chapters of Biology to study, Including the dreaded Photosynthesis and Respiration chapters. The sole reason for the existance of such chapters is to murder us poor JC students by inducing heart attacks, or strokes, or hypertension. This education system serves to find its best students by killing off the weaker ones with stress.

GP Exam (Sucketh).

This isn't a very good start to the exam. Definately not. Totally sucks.

Today, this very nice grand day, is the day of my GP (General Papers) exam. The First Paper is peachy. Composition. I wrote 3 full sides of A4 pages on my topic. "Are Harsh Punishments the best solution to rising crime?". I discussed what I felt was every possible angle I can think of. I went against the statement =P. I played a hell lot on emotions and all that crap, just hope it works.

The second paper. LOL. The second paper... Comprehension. We were given two passages about hormones in humans and the impact of women's rising role in society. 1 hour and 30 mins for the blasted paper. I finished the first few questions in the first 30 mins, which surprised me. I had to triple check the clock to make sure I didn't see things wrongly. So, it ought to have been easy. 1 hour for 1 summary question, 5 vocab words and 1 application question. So, I started doing my summary, and I found out that I had a hell of a time picking out points for the blasted summary. I had to do 3 drafts before I was satisfied. After I copied down my final draft, I glanced at the clock. OMG! 10 minutes left! for AQ AND the vocab questions. So I rushed. I spent 2 hasty minutes on the vocab, not particularly thinking much of what other words I can use. I then dived into the application question. I scribbled about a page worth of crap before the time ran out.

I totally screwed up. I'm guessing that I won't get a C for GP this time round. In fact, I won't be surprised if my paper 2 comes back with a failing mark. I am soooo dead.

After GP, we stayed in school to accompany Darren, who had his geography paper. Pearly, Brian, Jon and I then went to RP to study (with a quick stop over at Brian's house so he can get to change his clothes). Met tofu there for a while. He looks positively anorexic. He's sooo skinny, his cheekbones were practically jutting out and his arms are tiny. All skin and bones. That got me worried 0.o. He stayed about a little before running off to find his friends.

We studied a little chemistry at RP. Ate some stuff from the cafe (their cafe ROCKS). Came home, crash landed on my sofa and watched CSI:NY for an hour. Now, I'm blogging about mu abysmal GP paper and my day =P. I'll need to go off to shower and study more chemistry for tomorrow. Chemistry paper 3, I'm sooo worried. That's all for now, I really need to get going back to studying =S.

Exams Tomorrow! EEP!

So, yeah. Its the dreaded day. The doomsday has finally come. MID YEAR EXAMS IS UPON US! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!! BEFORE IT GETS YOU TOO!

Okay, okay, I went a teeny weeny little bit overboard. But Mid Year Exams (Henceforth known as MYE) is upon us poor souls at PJC. The stupid thing is that I actually studied for this thing. I didn't even study for my O levels much, and here I am, in JC, and STUDYING! *gasp*

Yeah, its stupid. But even more troubling news. I find it fun! Yes yes, I ought to be booked into the nearest mental health hospital right this very moment. But I've been slightly insane for the past 18 years, so its no biggie that I've start realise that I'm a little whacked now. (but but but, the VOICES IN MY HEAD TELLS ME I'M SANE!!)

Okay, maybe I'm just a little (very little) bit stressed and just a very tiny (absolutely miniscule) bit freaked out by my impending doom (though I hope that I'm totally wrong on this).

*takes deep breath*. Okay. Exams start tomorrow. The first paper is one of the two papers I haven't studied for so far. GP. General Paper. Its the death of us all. It requires one to read the newspaper daily (I haven't even TOUCHED a newspaper in MONTHS), and to watch the news daily (I've only watched the news ONCE these past 4 weeks), and to write well informed, eloquent and intelligent articles on one of the twelve topics we're given. Its a risk. I'm hoping that there's a question in there somewhere that relates to marriage/family/abortion or any of the things where I can make assumptions and get away with it. I need topics that deals largey on emotions, so I can be the typical me and start talking about emotions rather than cold hard facts. So instead of saying "xx% of women feels upset and guilty over the abortion of their child", I could write "A large number of women may feel guilty over the abortion of their child in years to come". So, technically, I'm not lying. AND, its common knowledge that women do feel empty/depressed after going through an abortion. However, my grammar, vocab and my spelling sucks. Totally and absolutely sucks. Its horrendous, terrible, just plain bad. (yeah, I ran outta words to use =P)

By right, I've finished revising for chemistry and is now ready to kick balls. By left, I can't do my mock exam paper 0.o. Meaning, I'm gonna get my ass handed back to me on a silver platter on tuesday by the chemistry paper 3. I feel so loved by chemistry.

I suppose this is the best I'll ever be. I have no regrets of the past few weeks. Actually, I lied. I have a few, but this is no time to be thinking of (What if I studied more last last wednesday? or or or, if I didn't slack the whole day away last weekend?). I can 'what if' myself to death and it won't do a thing. Panicking damages your brain. I'm not gonna panic. I'm just going to do my best these 2 weeks and just hope for the best. Hope that I could pull my grades up to a C/D average. I'll work on my A's and B's for prelims. I just need to know that my basics is already there. That's it for now. Just hope for the best and pray that I'll do well. I did my part, the rest is in God's hands. I *might* be providing updates on my papers. Still unsure. Now, we'll just sit tight and see how the next two weeks will turn out to be. Good luck to all my friends (be it internet friends or RL friends), who are either taking their exams, or are going through tough times. God will never ever put you through something that He doesn't think you can pull through. Just do your best and nobody can think any worse of you. Good Luck to all! =).

And for those who are not religious, just do your best yeah? You can't do any better than your best, and if fate wants to be a bitch, then so be in. If life throws you lemons, make lemonade. If life throws you rocks, aim a bazooka right back at life and just shoot =P. Don't let past mistakes pull you down. (Wise/brave-but-stupid words from the person about to face the gallows =P)

Scared

[warning: May be seen as emo, but I REALLY need to type this all somewhere before I break down and cry somewhere]

Okie, I seriously think I'm addicted to Blogging. Or maybe... Blogging gives me an outlet to express myself, and allows me to clear my head, much like me rambling on to some friend online. I am scared, truely scared. I don't think I've ever been this scared in my life, in fact, I'm so scared that I actually feel like crying. I have NEVER EVER felt so scared to the brink of crying, not in my memories.

When I bungee jumped, I just screamed and laugh. When I awaited my O level results, I was just concerned, nowhere near scared. When I sat my O levels, I was just, indifferent. I knew it in my heart that I was going somewhere, that my worse marks could quite comfortably guarentee me a space in a Poly. I wasn't even this scared when I moved back from Scotland to Singapore. To me then, it was an adventure, a new life, a new start and with everything I want/need right in front of me.

I think the real reason of me being so scared is because this is the first time I've ever had such an aspiration. This is the first time I had a feasible dream to work towards. Before now, I was a kind of nonchalant girl. I crossed each bridge as I came to it. I didn't worry myself on things that to me, at that time, was unimportant. As long as I had my internet connection, a computer, food to eat, drinks to drink and friends to chat with, I was content. Now, this is the first time I've ever felt such a burning desire to do something. Its also the first time my future is not guarenteed.

I didn't know how I knew it exactly, but prior to JC, I've been cruising along in life. To tell the truth, I really wasn't worried about my O levels. I wasn't even worried about much. I just knew, deep in my heart, that everything will be perfect. Sure, I've had problems with friends, like any teenager. I've had body image issues, I've had bouts where I don't know who I am anymore. I still have some of those bouts. But, I've never worried about where I want to go, or what I want to do. Sure, I've had a vague idea, I toyed with the idea of being a doctor for 3 years, before discarding it. ALL of my vague dreams of my future, of my profession, is a job where I can help people. I wanted a job where I can help, and interact with people and make a difference. I get that job, and I'll never have to work again, coz each and every single day would be what I lived to do. My vague ideas wasn't solid yet, it was just a hazy dream. I want this, I want that, I just didn;t put it all together until now.

I want to study psychology. The human mind interests me. Its not morbid, not at all. Its just something magical about the way we process ideas, facts and the world in general. Its interesting how one person looks at the glass half empty, and the other person looks at it half full. Its wonderful to learn how our memory works, and how we can improve upon it. Answers to questions such as "Why do people dream? Is it important?" and "Does how a child is brought up affects his life totally, or are there some things thats inborn and cannot be changed". Then there's the more social questions. "Why are some children more outgoing than others? Is it all in the genes, or is there something more". There's also the plain morbid questions. "Why do murderers kill, what is their state of mind right before they start killing?". Then again, there's the reverse psychology questions "If I can determine my personality by my handwriting, can I change my personality by forcing myself to alter my handwriting?". I want to learn, and find out answers to all these questions, as well as answers to questions I haven't even thought of yet.

Then, there's that snag. I want to go to Australia to study Psychology. They say Brisbane is the best place to go. I came to JC not knowing what to expect, but just full of determination to do what I needed to do. That flame of determination deminished over time, until there's only a spark left. Failed results after failed results, depression drops by every now and then, and doubt of self worth became a constant companion. The flame of hope, determination and perseverence died right after Mid Years of J1. It was brought back alive for a while, for the Promos. Friends became my life for a while, I was desperately clinging onto my friends, both IRL and internet ones. With the support of all my friends, I was able to pass my Promotional Examinations. I made it to J2, barely, but I made it nonetheless. Then comes my mistake. Instead of spending the holidays studying and catching up on my weak subjects, I went off to work part-time. I came to J2, ready to take on the world. I told myself, I'm turning over a new leaf. I told myself that this is it, barely a year left, I will put in my all.

Common Test came and went. I got crushed again. Badly. I nursed a hope to go to Australia, and my mom unintentionally crushed that hope without even realising it. I failed, Miserably. Even worse than what I got for my J1 Mid Years. I cried, and I apologised to my mom, I visited the principal's office, and I got threatened to get retained, the whole shebang. I pinned my hopes on Mid Years. I had to pass Mid Years. I just had to.

Mid Year Exams are in a week. Exactly one week and 5.25 hours from now. I have 40+ chapters of various H2 subjects to study. Mathematics, Chemistry and Biology. I'm not even bothering about my Literature and General paper right now. My mom and I had a talk, she agreed that I would be able to go to Australia to study psychology if I can get the grades.

My dream became feasible once again. I have NEVER ever felt so much for this dream. I know it, somehow, I won't be able to survive in the kill or be killed life that is the Singapore Educational System. Australia seems the ideal place, really. Its one of the leading countries in Psychology and they desperately need more psychologist. However, I need a BBB to even think about applying to the Universities in Brisbane. (Griffith or University of Queensland). Right now, according to my common test results. I'm a failure. I failed at my exams and I failed terribly. I have one more week, one week to prepare myself, and at least pass my mid years to stay on to take my A levels this year.

I'm scared, really I am. I suddenly feel this burning passion for this aspiration, this dream, and yet, I don't know if I can achieve it. That's what scare me. Its the only dream I have at the moment and I'm holding onto it as hard as I can. I'm not letting it go that easily and it scares the hell out of me to know that at any moment, it can be snatched away by my bad results. I don't think I can take the crushing blow of another bad exam result slip. I've brought home too many these two years, and I don;t think I can handle another one.

Sure, I've studied the past 2 weeks or so, but I doubt its been enough. I wasn't focused enough, I didn't practice enough questions, and I procrastinated here and there. I had a bout of lethargy that refuse to go away. I couldn't concentrate. I slipped when I had that bout of lethargy, and I'm still slipping. I know I have to pick myself back up, but sometimes, its hard. You just want to give up, and yet, you find some strength in you to jump right back up. Right now, my strength is that one dream. I don't know what I'll do if I was to lose that one dream. I'm terrified of what would happen. All I know is that I must not let that happen, and yet, Mid Years is this looming monster just waiting to snatch it away.

Right now, I'm just going to pray, and do my best. At least, that's what I'm telling myself. Deep inside, I'm still scared. More than that, deep inside, I'm terrified. That's the problem with being a rock sometimes. You be strong for others. You strengthen yourself emotionally. You become a rock, a stone, all stiff. Not in the least bit flexible. Until one day, when there's overwhelming pressure, from both inside and outside, you don't bend, you can't bend anymore, you've become that rock, with nobody to lean on and the unwillingness to be flexible. When that day comes, when the pressure mounts, you just crack a little here, and chip a little there. You find that you're slowly crumbling, each failure is a pickaxe slowing chipping away your strength, your dreams and your will. I'm crumbling, and I do not think I can handle another failure. I feel that if I were to recieve another blow from that pickaxe of failure, I would be reduced to pieces. Never before have I been this scared for my ambition, nor for myself.

Lethargy =S.

*holds back a scream of fustration*

I've been feeling lethargic as hell today. Argh! Woke up at about 1pm, which by itself is unusual enough. I've been waking up at 10-ish the past week or so, no matter what time I slept. This is the first time I woke up past noon for whatever reasons. Woke up coz my gran was practically screaming at me to wake up and eat my lunch before it gets stone cold.

After lunch, I came online, and didn't have the mood to do much. I played the CSI game and finished the last case (there's only 5). However, instead of the quiet, eager anticipation I usually experience when playing the game at my (sometimes) feeble attempt to guess for myself who the evil murderer is, this time, the last case, I just experienced fustration. Like I wanted to finish the game ASAP and I couldn't be bothered to analyse it. Instead of shifting my attention to another angle of the case when I hit a dead end, this time, I felt royally peeved off.

After I (un)happily finished the game, I wasn't even in the mood to surf the web/chat/do anything online (which is so.. not normal..), I just crawled into my room and read my book. Darren texted me for a bit using pearly's phone coz his ran out of battery (again.. he never charges his phone...). But really, I just felt UGH thoughout the day. I fell asleep while reading the book at around 4pm, and woke up at 8pm for dinner. Still felt like shit and didn't even want to THINK about doing my revision today (even though I *am* a few chapters behind). I am soooo gonna regret this tomorrow when I get my ass outta bed.

Watched something on Animal Planet about Endangered bears, watched the news. There was some home news about a group of guys being arrested for wanting to join the terrorist group and plotting to crash a plane into Changi Airport. That got me thinking a little. This little news can be used in my GP essay, either on the topic of terrorism (for obvious reasons), or Internet. The News dubbed it as "Self-Radicalisation". Basically, these men read some articles online, found some truth in it and decided to try to join the JI. Really Clever, but then again, they did mention that it gets personal when they mask terrorism with religion. Still, this brings about a bad name to some Muslims.

I have some really good friends who are muslims and I doubt they'll start planning a massacre when they read articles online about these things. We may try to hide it, but its true that we're not as colour-blind as the government wants us to be. Chinese people are the major race here and some chinese still look down on Muslims/Malays. This is definately unfair, but its how life is I suppose. I always have to hold my tongue whenever I hear those old ladies at the marketplace make a slight at the malay race. Its just annoying to hear such racist comments, especially after I have experienced the darker side of racism myself in the UK. But I am ashamed to admit that I do get freaked out when I see dark-skinned male youths hanging around my block at night, drinking beer and smoking when I get home late from an outing or something. But then again, I get freaked out if chinese guys are hanging around doing the same thing too, just I get more worried if they're dark skinned.

Maybe these uneasy feeling came from a slightly trumatic experience some time ago. There was a fight at the void deck below my house. I reached home at 3-ish pm, everything was peachy normal. I came back down at 6pm with the intent to buy something or other from the shop nearby, and when the door of the lift opened, I saw red - literally. There was a few blood pools and a hell lot of blood splatters on the floor. My first thought was that somebody got murdered. But then I saw TWO large distinct blood pools and 2 trails leading away from the 2 biggest blood pool, I assumed that a fight had taken place. Either way, I wasn't going to stay there and stare, I just jammed the button to my floor without even stepping out of the lift. The police came round later that evening with their dogs to sniff out the trail. Later on, we learnt that 2 bangladash national males (who were working at a construction site nearby) were in a fight over a woman or something. Either way, seeing so much blood on the floor (where it really should have been in somebody's body) was not a very nice experience. Blood doesn;t freak me out, it was the thought of the wounds that must have been inflicted to cause such blood loss that freaked me out. I don't get scared of blood, I get scared of really ugly, painful looking wounds. This is exactly why I can't be a doctor. I'm fine with blood, I just can't bear to imagine the pain the other person is going through with nasty looking wounds.

ANYWAYS, lets get back on track. Other than the *they're giving other muslims/malay a bad name* reaction I got from the news, I thought of the book by George Orwell, titled 1984, about a society where everybody's move was watched by "Big Brother", and how the government there cover up the arrests of opposition or the people they didn't like by telling tales of their treason against the country and how they're terrorists/going against the country. I doubt Singapore would do this, but it was just a thought. All our information we get is mainly from the media, and the media is controlled by the government. How do we know what's the truth and what's glorified and what's being glossed over? We assume its the truth because the media is a supposedly reliable source and we're taught to believe it. However, they could easily lie to us. Needless to say, I went into an internal dialogue on what is the truth.

After the news (and several internal debate), I watched a few other documentaries on the Discovery Channel about crime (Its Friday Night - Crime Night). Learnt that crime solving isn't as wonderful and easy as it looks, especially before DNA tracing came about.

All in all, a really UGH day. Didn't feel like getting up, slept way too much and still feel sleepy. Missed a whole day's of revision (Today was supposed to b 3 biology chapters. Genetics of Viruses, Genetics of Bacteria, and the Control and Organisation of Prokaryotic and Eukaryotic Genome). I really think I will regret it tomorrow, but I can't really be beeswaxed right now. Either I;m just experiencing a bad, really lethargic day, or I am about to fall sick and my body is trying to take preventive measures by making me rest and produce more white blood cells.

*sigh*. You know things are really bad when I blogged more this week than I did the past month.

Random Update...

Rawr! Lol... just felt like updating for the hell of it =D.

Hmmm, I'm *slightly* behind on my study schedule by 3 maths topics and 2 chemistry topics. No matter, can easily catch up, since I had to rearrange my study schedule to fit in today's Pride-and-Prejudice-Movie-Marathon-Thingy.

What's been happening... hmmm. Nothing much really. Just studying at the Jurong West Library (where they attempt to make us 'comfortable' by adjusting the air-conditioning until it was an artic temperature. It would be good if we were penguins or something). Darren comes along to study with me every now and then, but he doesn't really study much around me for some wierd reason or other. Either he usually doesn't study or I distract him. Maybe its better for us to study on our own in that case?

Oh, yeah, had a P&P Movie marathon. We changed plans and went to Jo's place instead, so we went there, and watched the first 4 discs before SK had to rush off for a class outing and Jo had to go off with her family. So Joshua and I relocated to his place at Bukit Panjang coz I wanted to finish the movie by today. Watched the last two discs at Joshua's house. The whole thing was fun, with snacks and laughter and drinks and total fun at jo's place. She lives in a condo and we used the karaoke room. Really comfy with cushions and sofas and lots of seats etc... =D.

After watching the entire 6-houred epic at 2 different locations, I went to Lot 1 to meet Pear for dinner =D. She already ate, so she watched me eat (-.-"). Since I wasn't too hungry, I just ate some half boiled eggs and toast. I seriously have my eating habits upside-down. Breakfast food for dinner (-.-"). Had a cute and fun chat with pear while eating. Laughed a little, laughed a lot, but it was fun overall =P. But, when I first saw Brian and Pearly at lot 1, they both were sick... Typical. I leave them alone for one week and they come back to me sick. I berated them mildly for it like I usually berate my bro. LOL, then I stopped, coz a light bulb flashed in my head and I realised how much I sounded like a mother =P.

Oh, Joshua and SK were talking about this korean movie. The 200 pounds Beauty. Apparently its really touching, and it has to be. Coz Josh teared at it (or so he tells me) and SK cried. But then again, SK cries when she watched Cars (the animated movie). But Josh teared, and he doesn't really normally show much emotion at movies, so it must have been really touching. I plan to watch it soon, with a huuuge pack of tissues ready incase I start crying =P.

Anyways, my cute little cousin (well... not so little... She's 10...) introduced me to this really cool website =D. Veoh.com =D. Its this place where you can watch Anime =D. So yeah, she got me totally hooked onto this series, Gakuem Alice (aka. Alice Academy). Its a really cute anime, not as deep/bloody/fighty/whatever as most of the anime my friends like, but touching and warm =D. 26 episodes in all. I watched the last of it last night, at 5:30am (-.-"). Had a HELL of a time waking up this morning. But it was worth it, was a GREAT movie =D.

Anyways, that's the first time James had to go off from work before I went off to bed =P. James have been saying that he wanted to appear on my blog entry for some time, so here it is! =D. His debut entry into my very own blog! Happy now? =P. He asked me what he could do to get onto my blog, and here's the answer. Nothing else =). By being the supportive friend (and for that particular period of time, something tentatively more) that he is, he's welcomed to appear on my blog anytime =D. Its even more touching coz he's such a great friend even though I mercilessly e-dumped him online, and yet he continued to show me such great concern and support. I might not say as much to him on MSN, but I truly am sorry about that whole fiasco. I could have handled it more maturely and all, maybe explain more? All I could say was that I was confused and scared of what would happen. After that, we weren't really quite the same. There's some unexplained distance between us that arised from my new status as being attached that I wished wasn't there. Still, He's a true friend and I bless the day that he attacked me online on utopia with his new freak personality just to try it out, then apologised and left his e-mail on my in-game message board =P. Talk about a memorable first meeting eh?

That said and done, I will NOT do more work tonight, coz my brain is partially melted from analysing 6 hours or so of the movie/series/monstrosity. I will slack, chat and play games until tomorrow where I will STUDY and catch the hell up! =D. I will not allow myself to burn out, I can't afford that right now. So yeah, I'll just do my best and see what happens. However, not going to the Movie with the bowlers tomorrow. Just don't feel like going I suppose. I feel like Studying rather than watching a movie with them. I'll just rent the DVD when it comes out =P. Just 3 more weeks and I'll get to relax a fair bit after Mid Years before I kick my butt into gear for Prelims =) (If I Pass My Mid Years, which I bloody well hope I will!)

That's all for the totally random update =P.

Update~! (a long loooong update)

Darn it, Haven't updated since the first bowling competition... procrastination as per usual...

Well, the doubles didn't go as well as I wanted it to. Was paired with Peiyi... lets just say that peiyi and I have our differences. We get along nicely enough at superficial level. but deep inside, probably not. We just don't have much to say to each other, and for some weird reason, our guard comes up the moment we start chatting to each other. Maybe we just don't click. Anyways, Doubles was a pretty disheartening affair. Peiyi kept going to Kelly's and Diana's lanes to go talk to them. I didn't do well the first 2 games and felt that Peiyi was Disappointed in me or something. Maybe her cool attitude coupled with my disappointment led to such conclusion. Nevertheless, the first two games wasn't good. I actually wanted to cry after my 2nd game, the feeling of disappointment and fear that I'll not do well was so powerful that I believed I teared a little.

However, PEARLY came to the rescue =). She was there, she hugged me and told me to take each new game with a new mindset, its a new game and a new start. I took those words to heart for the remaining of the competition. As luck would have it, for the 3rd game, I bowled a personal best of 196. It was SO CLOSE to a 200. I opened one measly frame coz I was unable to spare pin 10. My last frame, I spared it, and needed a 7 to get 200... but I was too nervous, shaking all the way at the approach. I jerked, as opposed to my usual fluent swing, and the ball went off course. I ought to be thankful that it remained on the lanes. Oh well, 196 was good =). Now I have a new target to work towards, 200. If mom can hit 205 with house ball and house shoes, I ought to be able to hit a simple 200 with my own ball and my own shoes right? (I hope). Anyways, that one lovely high game (in my personal standards) bought my mood up. as well as Kari screaming at the back =). My next few games wasn't that good, but it wasn';t that bad either. I ended the doubles with an average of 133 thereabouts. My 196 game really helped pull the others up.

After Doubles, we went to northpoint for some foooooood. Benjamin, Guo Min, Darren, Hikari, Brian, Pearly and myself. Jon had to rush off somewhere or other. We went to Delifrance for Dinner, but Brian and Pearly went off elsewhere after depositing their bowling bags with us. So, it was just the 5 of us there. The food was in HUGE portions, and yeah, totally yummy. Expensive, but once in a blue moon's fine enough =).

Now, I shall fast forward to the TEAMS event! Personally, I really prefer the singles and doubles type of games. 6 (relatively) fast games in a row. I'm a fast player =). The first day, I didn't do so bad, didn't do so good either. Ended up with a 120+ average... didn't exactly hit my 135 average target. But, having the teams event was a nice changed from the doubles. The atmosphere was much much more friendly and I was able to relax more... until the CJC girls came... The CJC girls were situated to our right, the ACS(I) supporters to the left... it was surround sound cheering. What peeved me was the CJC girls really. They were screaming for their team, fine, but the things they say was just plain ugh and distracted me to no end. When anybody (other then their precious CJC boys) was bowling, they stand there, and started screaming for that person to hit the gutter... and when they don't strike, they congratulate each other coz its one less strike for the 'opposing teams'. Personally, I feel that this kind of behaviour totally ruins their image, shows them to be petty people, and really shouldn't happen. ESPECIALLY since CJC boys was bowling next to GIRLS, and the boys and girls are ranked differently, so how us girls do won't affect them.

However, there was some cute things happening, like Yumin and Sam covering the screen with a cloth so we won't look at the scores, supposedly staring at the scores affects our performance. I wasn't sure how true that was, coz we were 'against' MI, and there wasn't any pressure from them (not to be evil, but truthfully, we kinda pwned them...) and to our right was ACS(I), and they were much much too far ahead for me to tag. I didn't want to 'compete' with my teammates coz its just not that right, so I tried out a new method of going against myself really. I'd still prefer to play alongside guys though, I like tagging them =P. Dispite the cloth, I found myself still looking at the scores, its just habit. If my scores is bad, I have motivation to do better, if its good, I'd aim for a good score. The only dangers was if I got totally depressed, which I do sometimes.

Anyways, after the first day of teams and my not so impressive average, I helped pearly sort out her problem with brian. It was plain to anybody with eyes. Both of them are miserable after the incident and it was just breaking my heart. So I persuaded Pearly to tell me what's wrong. She cried on my shoulders for a time, but when I got the whole story, it was this *OMG* feeling. I had the exact same problem with Darren near the beginning of our relationship and I knew EXACTLY how Pearly felt. I talked to her about it and hopefully, she felt better after that. Seeing brian and pearly, sometimes I just get feeling of deja vu. Their 'story', as in the way they got together and some of the problems they encountered are really similiar to what Darren and I encounter.

The last day of the bowling competition came by. It was the morning, so no fear for silly CJC girls to throw me off my concentration. It didn't go that well either, but the mood was the lightest, us knowing that its the LAST day. Kari baked bundung Cupcakes =). My team ate a few and went on a hiiiigh =P. we were screaming bundung cupcakes here and there =P. Fun though, kept us from being too drawn into the seriousness of the competition. We were also making fun of the CJC and the ACS(I) boys. They were having a mini competition to see who could scream the loudest. So both teams was trying to get spares or strikes so they can attempt to out-scream the other. It was amusing to see them at it =P. After the competition, Darren got a little peeved about his scores, so I ran after him to console him. Then we had a team meeting, where we really felt the impact that this was the LAST, that's it, No more competition. The event that we spent 1 year training for was over. No more 2nd chance, no repeats. After they broke up, I cried in darren's shoulders as the impact really hit me. There was so many regrets. If I trained harder, I could have spared pin 10, which I kept missing. If I trained harder, I won't keep missing my head pin. Missing the head pin was the main problem this competition. I would have striked so many times if I only didn't miss the head pin. I left pins 1 and 2 standing there countless times.

However, I learnt so many things from this competition that I wished I'd've learnt earlier. These 'lessons' would definately have helped me in this competition if I had learnt them earlier, but nevertheless, I have learnt them. For example, I learnt truely how important spares are. I always thought that strikes was way more important so I could screw the spares and focus on striking. But spares are truely important, they make such a difference. I learnt how important the stupid head pin is. I learnt how to bowl under pressure. This bowling competition was truely a learning experience and I came out all the more better for it.

Now... after the competition (which ended on thursday), I had to work at the naval base! and WOW~ are the guys there HOT! 0.o. Oogle Galore! It was frickingly early though. Had to be at Expo MRT Station at 7am, meaning I had to be at Boon Lay MRT Station by 6am, meaning I had to leave my house by 5.30am, meaning I had to get my lazy butt off my bed at 4.45am. I was toying with the idea of just not sleeping before I realised that I didn't want to die =P. First day, dad fetched brian, pearly and myself there, after mom found out how early I had to leave. At that time, we still didn't know what was going on, only that we had a gamesmaster duty. We assumed it was at Expo convention hall since we were to meet at Expo MRT station. Pearly and I even brought our jackets in case it got cold -.-. Nicholas (Marcus' Brother), met up with us at 7am... gave us our tags and told us that we're helping out the navy for their open house. We were all bundled off in their cars towards the Changi Naval Base. Went there, I got assigned a station. Basically take Rush hour, replace the cars with ships, and expand the board 20 times and thats it =). It was fun. teaching the divers, the navy people and their families, and the kids how to play. We had to time them =P.

After that first day, our legs was one solid ache. Went for dinner at lot 1, and went home to shower and faint on my bed. Second day (saturday) was MUCH MUCH more busier coz it was opened to public, as opposed to Friday when only the navy personnel family members came over. Darren even came that day, coz Alina didn't want to come anymore. Kelvin came this time... he overslept on friday coz he assumed that we were meeting at 7PM (-.-"). Edwin was there again, and so was the rest of the people, Rebecca et al. Pearly originally wanted to play their water games, but I didn't bring my towel and extra clothes. So, in the end, nah, no water games.

The last day, I woke up with a headache, but after sms-ing brian a fair bit, decided to get my ass there. So, I ate some medication to sooth the headache, went to my dad's room to find him awake and begged him to drive me there, then slowly got ready to go. We picked up brian and pearly again coz they were as tired as I was. Last day was the easier than Saturday. Once again, i didn't bring my towel and extra clothing, i decided that I didn't want to plunge into the SUPER SALTY Sea for fun =P. The morning was so slacked that Pearly and I asked for permission to walk around, catch the first show and enjoy a little before the crowds came in, we were granted permission and off we went. We saw the naval divers practice their drills/performance item... OMG! they were SHIRTLESS! WEARING SMALL TINY SHORTS! Our eyeballs nearly popped out =P. So, being female, we sat down on the stands to appreciate the view before us. Sweat soaked hot male bodies in small shorts. mmmmm =P. But yeah, afterwards, faithfully went back to the stalls to help out. Rebecca and her friend disappeared during the busiest period to 'buy drinks' which took them 1.5 hours apparently... the drinks store must have been at sea, so they must have had to swim all the way there or something. I was sooo peeved, coz I was handling 2 stations at once because they. didn;t. come. back... until the crowd had thin. so yeah, was totally VEXED at their actions.

Anyways, the working experience earned me some cash, a few puzzles, lots of experience and lots of memories =D...

After the open house on the last day, Darren and I hitched a ride on Nicholas' car to Darren's place, where I did my chemistry homework in preparation for monday's lessons (yeah, tight schedule wasn't it?). Reached home at 11+, showered and fell asleep.

On Monday, went to school at 9am... found out that my biology lecture was cancelled and postponed to wednesday and that nobody told me (-.-"). Sat around at the concourse until 12.30. Darren came earlier, chatted with me, then went to class, then Yumin came and we talked about the bowling competition and how sad we're feeling for a while. Marcus also came to chit chat. The chemistry lesson was not too bad. She enforced some concepts, gave us some practice questions, some answers and told us to go for the mock practice as it will be VERY important. After that, went home to change, came out again and went to Marina Bay for Weilin's birthday Celebration. Steamboat. Wasn't bad but it wasn't the best either. BUT, I did have fun with the class, so it wasn't bad. After the dinner, went to the arcade, The guys played DotA. I went to play some games with Joshua, and this guitar hero game. FUN! But I sucked.

Tuesday, I slacked. I admit, I slacked coz I wanted free time, so I read some fanfics, just laze about. Wednesday, I went back to school for Biology, afterwhich, was at a dilemma on whether to watch a movie. In the end, joshua went to watch Shrek 3 on his own coz I wanted to watch it with my bro and my cousin. Went home, maor slacking again =P. Just chatted to people online, read some books, read some fanfics, the usual.

Thursday, MAJOR BAKING DAY! =D. I went out to the supermarket with my bro and my cousin, bought a truckload of baking ingredients and materials, and baked =D. Made about 50 muffins, and about 150 of those little chocolate pops thing.

On Friday, I went to CCK to supposedly go to Brian's house to study. We realised that we haven't yet bought Kari;s present, so we went to the pet store, and got HAMSTERS! Yeah, got 2 cute little hammies. Bought the cage, nesting and food as well coz we weren't that sure if Kari has it. I knew Kari wanted to b surprised, but theres some things that you really need to tell her that she's gonna get, just to prepare her for it. Brought the hamsters to Brian's house where we played with them for a bit. we got 2 males. We learnt how to differentiate the hamsters. One of them has very slightly darker fur on his lower back. I first suggested Tom and Jerry =P. But we finally agreed that their temporary names will be X and O... after the XO team =P. Also, the hamsters can actually form X and O =P. O likes to curl up into a ball and X climbs the cage alot, so they actually form the letters to a certain extent. Ate dinner at Brian's house, and bought the hammies home. Chatted to Kari before going off to bed.

On Saturday! Kari's PARTY! =D. Woke up, played with the hamsters for a bit, came online, where I helped kari to name her new hamsters. I originally suggested Xavier and Oliver, coz oliver sounds like the name of a mellow, tame fellow, and Xavier is a cool, hyperactive name, kinda like the hamsters. Also, there's XO as their initials =D. Finally decided on Xavier and Oberon. Cute names =D. Darren came over with his ice box to help me carry the food by stuffing everything into the ice-box. we took a cab down to fort canning. Saw kari, passed her the hamsters. Waited for the others by eating the tuna and salmon crackers (We were HUNGRY!). The party wasn't one of those traditional parties with whatevers. We had fun talking, chatting, doing stupid things like fitting 7 people on the swing... (Sam, Jon and Brian climbed on top, Pearly, Marcus, Darren and I sat at the seats for the swings), or kicking the heavy door open (like really kicking...flying kicks... I would have joined them if I hadn't worn heels there), taking tonnes of pictures and so on. Dusk came, and we TOOK OUT THE LIGHT STICKS =D. Fun fun! All glow-in-the-dark fun =). Kari's friends are (there's no other word for it) COOL! Megah came with an AFRO! Wowism! Her friends are really nice and cool, seriously. GM & Kaichi had to leave earlier, and Brian and Pearly left quite a while after them. After the fun fun hugging/massdance/fundance/wateverdance, we settled down to play a game of truth or dare.

Some of the dares are funny, like to make the best orgasmic moans, or to dirty dance etc... I picked dare and ended up having to french Darren for 30 seconds, but we were laughing half the time coz Megah was screaming instructions at Darren to move his hands elsewhere, but Darren was a good boy. His hands stayed at my waist =P. Other Dares include Sam to kiss me on the lips, or me to kiss Megah on the cheeks, or some other kissing stuff, coz we progressed to kissing near the end. Like somebody spins the bottle, and whoever the bottle lands on, the person has to kiss, and the kissed person now spins the bottle to see who s/he will kiss =P. Was soooo funny =D.

Anyways, Took the red line home (which is uber long) in order to keep Darren and Samantha company... reached home at 20 past midnight. I hate going home after 11pm... its just so dark and scary. It doesn't help that gangs sometimes hang arnd my area after dark. Thankfully, nth happened, So I happily went home, came online for a bit before sleeping.

Wow!~ There really was a HELL LOT to update between my last post to now. yeah, have been busy =P. Now, I have a super revision schedule that I really have to follow if I want to finish revising by mid-years. It has taken me 1 hour 10 mins to type this monstrous post =P. Will update more, probably after Mid Years, coz I don't see any interesting events happening in the next few weeks of revising. Fun time over, study!

I shall study my heart out this 2 weeks and see what I can truely do~!