Bleh Day
I'm having one of those really bleh days today. Its one of those days, when you have NOTHING to do, no idea what sites to visit online, no idea what videos to watch, and not in the mood to study. Just feeling... bleh.
Just to DO something (ANYTHING!), I'm just gonna update the blog that nobody reads. I'd write some great essay on some social issue if I wasn't feeling so bleh... Tofu even called me asking if I wanted to have dinner with him, and I really don't feel like leaving my house, or meeting people. No idea what's wrong with me, I feel as if I no longer know how to act among friends, JC friends, Sec Sch Friends or overseas friends. Even online friends! Its as if I want SOMEBODY to tell me how to act, what sort of character am I suppose to be? Its like, for today, I completely forgot...
Anyways, work's fine. Never thought I'd be in the position to really do anything with the computer. Yet, my name is on the website as the technical support for the MOE ExCEL Fest 2008. LOL. I was like 'o.0' when they put my name there. But its going quite well. Learning new things everyday and being able to help others with their registration problems.
Meeting schools are okay too. Some schools pissed the hell outta me. NOTHING prepared, NOTHING ready, and the bloody deadline is SOON!. RAWR! Students aren't the only ones to push deadlines, teachers do it ALL THE TIME.
I'm just feeling a little topsy turvy emotionally. Started questioning the meaning of friends. I think its just me being unused to the fact that there's no longer school, so I don't meet anybody much, except for my colleagues. Its feeling weird, we all have different routes. As much as I can preach about understanding, I still feel weird. Yes, I do understand about all these things, but its still very... uncomfortable. I don't really know where I stand with my friends. Especially my ex classmates. On one hand, I really wanna go to outings with them, I miss them somewhat, especially the ones I'm close to in JC. On the other hand, I'm not quite sure how to blend in, and I have this urge to skip it, be solitary and just... be with myself.
I'm not quite sure what's happening. I can be in a crowded room, and feel more alone than ever. Perhaps I like human interaction too much, and I can't stand silence, or not chatting to somebody, unless its one of those really comfortable silence with a VERY close friend.
I somehow feel like an outcast sometimes. I don't know why, I do have friends, and I can laugh and talk and just spend time with them. I'm very sure that they're wonderful people, but I still find myself questioning the purpose of friends. Maybe its just me, being today, one of the really bleh days, that I start doing this random exercise.
Oh, and I watched Speed Racer yesterday. The whole movie was rather funny and silly, extremely cartoon-ish. The ending left me with food for thought. I won't spoil it for anybody, but the ending really left an impact on me. Thoughts on familial ties, choosing your path and living with your decisions really hit me then. I felt sad for that one character, even though he had a life many would die for, I still felt extremely sad. I had to keep reminding myself that it was fiction, it didn't happen, and that the ending was some sadistic author's mentality of not putting an all-round happy ending to a kids movie. It still had a profound impact on me though.
Other books I've been reading, namely, the other boleyn girl, and Perfume: the story of a murderer. The first was mainly court politics in the olden english times. The latter was about this social misfit, who had great sense of smell, who killed virgins to get their 'scent'.
Both books touched in me a way, gave me alot of things to think about. Oh, and I read Tuesdays with Morrie as well. Really admire the character of Morrie, how he could face death with dignity.
Oh well, MAYBE its the books I've been reading that had me in this bleh mood, maybe its the movie, or maybe its just time I had a bleh day.
I'll stop blogging about my extremely random thoughts now ^^.
Just to DO something (ANYTHING!), I'm just gonna update the blog that nobody reads. I'd write some great essay on some social issue if I wasn't feeling so bleh... Tofu even called me asking if I wanted to have dinner with him, and I really don't feel like leaving my house, or meeting people. No idea what's wrong with me, I feel as if I no longer know how to act among friends, JC friends, Sec Sch Friends or overseas friends. Even online friends! Its as if I want SOMEBODY to tell me how to act, what sort of character am I suppose to be? Its like, for today, I completely forgot...
Anyways, work's fine. Never thought I'd be in the position to really do anything with the computer. Yet, my name is on the website as the technical support for the MOE ExCEL Fest 2008. LOL. I was like 'o.0' when they put my name there. But its going quite well. Learning new things everyday and being able to help others with their registration problems.
Meeting schools are okay too. Some schools pissed the hell outta me. NOTHING prepared, NOTHING ready, and the bloody deadline is SOON!. RAWR! Students aren't the only ones to push deadlines, teachers do it ALL THE TIME.
I'm just feeling a little topsy turvy emotionally. Started questioning the meaning of friends. I think its just me being unused to the fact that there's no longer school, so I don't meet anybody much, except for my colleagues. Its feeling weird, we all have different routes. As much as I can preach about understanding, I still feel weird. Yes, I do understand about all these things, but its still very... uncomfortable. I don't really know where I stand with my friends. Especially my ex classmates. On one hand, I really wanna go to outings with them, I miss them somewhat, especially the ones I'm close to in JC. On the other hand, I'm not quite sure how to blend in, and I have this urge to skip it, be solitary and just... be with myself.
I'm not quite sure what's happening. I can be in a crowded room, and feel more alone than ever. Perhaps I like human interaction too much, and I can't stand silence, or not chatting to somebody, unless its one of those really comfortable silence with a VERY close friend.
I somehow feel like an outcast sometimes. I don't know why, I do have friends, and I can laugh and talk and just spend time with them. I'm very sure that they're wonderful people, but I still find myself questioning the purpose of friends. Maybe its just me, being today, one of the really bleh days, that I start doing this random exercise.
Oh, and I watched Speed Racer yesterday. The whole movie was rather funny and silly, extremely cartoon-ish. The ending left me with food for thought. I won't spoil it for anybody, but the ending really left an impact on me. Thoughts on familial ties, choosing your path and living with your decisions really hit me then. I felt sad for that one character, even though he had a life many would die for, I still felt extremely sad. I had to keep reminding myself that it was fiction, it didn't happen, and that the ending was some sadistic author's mentality of not putting an all-round happy ending to a kids movie. It still had a profound impact on me though.
Other books I've been reading, namely, the other boleyn girl, and Perfume: the story of a murderer. The first was mainly court politics in the olden english times. The latter was about this social misfit, who had great sense of smell, who killed virgins to get their 'scent'.
Both books touched in me a way, gave me alot of things to think about. Oh, and I read Tuesdays with Morrie as well. Really admire the character of Morrie, how he could face death with dignity.
Oh well, MAYBE its the books I've been reading that had me in this bleh mood, maybe its the movie, or maybe its just time I had a bleh day.
I'll stop blogging about my extremely random thoughts now ^^.
posted by Icicle | 6:53 PM
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