I feel stupid....
Yes yes, there's loads more to update. Lots of Back Tracking to do, including the movie Transformers (TOTALLY ROCKING!) and Harry Potter (Sadly Disappointing).
But, (yes, there's alot of buts lately), its late (the usual excuse) and I've school tomorrow (the sad truth).
I've just been feeling extremely dumb lately. I don;t know why, its hard to explain. I've been talking to a friend of mine. Lately, he's been a little.. well, disapproving of me I suppose. He disapproves of me sleeping in class and he seems really annoyed when I don't do my work. I think he's just worried for me. Its not easy to find a friend that he'll risk your wrath by directly telling you that he really thinks you aren't putting enough effort, you're wasting potential and that he gets annoyed with the airhead attitude.
I am thankful for a friend like him. Really. The only people who really pushes me to study is Joshua and James. Both of them believes that I could do better (and yes, I thought so too) and both of them aren't afraid to nudge me to study, unlike with my other friends who I have to start nagging at them to study with me (and my self discipline isn't good mind you).
Anyways, I've been feeling horrendously stupid the past few weeks. I don't know why. I don't know how it can be remedied. I can't sleep early. I always seem to be doing things, reading, chatting, last minute homework. I rarely sleep before 2.30am. Even when I sleep tonnes during the weekend, I still feel sleepy. Its like what Joshua said. I'm like in this eternal sleep that i *NEED* to wake up from. I can't stay awake, my thoughts are now murky. Its the only way to describe it. I seriously feel as though I'm losing my intelligence.
Before, I grasped concepts really easily. I could grasp the concept without much effort from myself. I could understand the chapter easily enough. I could see things in literature really easily. Literature was like a holiday to me. Nowadays, for me to think is really like trying to swim through mud. I struggle to grasp the simplest concepts. I fight to see meaning in the poem I've just read. Its like my eyes just slides over the words without registering their deeper meaning. Same for GP. I'd read a passage, and I'll understand that passage. Barely a minute later, I'd forget what that passage was all about. I'm confused most of the time and I'm feeling as though I'm losing my sanity.
I don't feel dumb often. Normally, my general feeling is that I'm just slacking, filled with tonnes of potential to do better and yet lazy to do so. Not so lazy that I fail, but just lazy enough to let some of my potential go to waste. Now, I feel stupid. Really, its hard to describe. My mind refuses to allow me to think properly, regardless of how much sleep I've had.
I shall kick my butt into studying. Not so much that I really closet myself off from the world. Just enough to last till prelims without burning out. I'll get a study schedule and stick to it. I need to shock my body and mind into waking up. I can't live in this haze anymore. I can't live when I can't think, I can't learn and I can't do things well. One shot at A levels, I will try to force myself to wake up from this mental hibernation. I don't like feeling stupid, and I do now intend to change this feeling. I just hope I can do it.
Many thanks to both Joshua and James for repeatedly emphasizing to me what I ought to do. This is but a small step to 'waking up', but you've put me in the right direction. With luck, I'll stay on this path. Thank you guys so much.
But, (yes, there's alot of buts lately), its late (the usual excuse) and I've school tomorrow (the sad truth).
I've just been feeling extremely dumb lately. I don;t know why, its hard to explain. I've been talking to a friend of mine. Lately, he's been a little.. well, disapproving of me I suppose. He disapproves of me sleeping in class and he seems really annoyed when I don't do my work. I think he's just worried for me. Its not easy to find a friend that he'll risk your wrath by directly telling you that he really thinks you aren't putting enough effort, you're wasting potential and that he gets annoyed with the airhead attitude.
I am thankful for a friend like him. Really. The only people who really pushes me to study is Joshua and James. Both of them believes that I could do better (and yes, I thought so too) and both of them aren't afraid to nudge me to study, unlike with my other friends who I have to start nagging at them to study with me (and my self discipline isn't good mind you).
Anyways, I've been feeling horrendously stupid the past few weeks. I don't know why. I don't know how it can be remedied. I can't sleep early. I always seem to be doing things, reading, chatting, last minute homework. I rarely sleep before 2.30am. Even when I sleep tonnes during the weekend, I still feel sleepy. Its like what Joshua said. I'm like in this eternal sleep that i *NEED* to wake up from. I can't stay awake, my thoughts are now murky. Its the only way to describe it. I seriously feel as though I'm losing my intelligence.
Before, I grasped concepts really easily. I could grasp the concept without much effort from myself. I could understand the chapter easily enough. I could see things in literature really easily. Literature was like a holiday to me. Nowadays, for me to think is really like trying to swim through mud. I struggle to grasp the simplest concepts. I fight to see meaning in the poem I've just read. Its like my eyes just slides over the words without registering their deeper meaning. Same for GP. I'd read a passage, and I'll understand that passage. Barely a minute later, I'd forget what that passage was all about. I'm confused most of the time and I'm feeling as though I'm losing my sanity.
I don't feel dumb often. Normally, my general feeling is that I'm just slacking, filled with tonnes of potential to do better and yet lazy to do so. Not so lazy that I fail, but just lazy enough to let some of my potential go to waste. Now, I feel stupid. Really, its hard to describe. My mind refuses to allow me to think properly, regardless of how much sleep I've had.
I shall kick my butt into studying. Not so much that I really closet myself off from the world. Just enough to last till prelims without burning out. I'll get a study schedule and stick to it. I need to shock my body and mind into waking up. I can't live in this haze anymore. I can't live when I can't think, I can't learn and I can't do things well. One shot at A levels, I will try to force myself to wake up from this mental hibernation. I don't like feeling stupid, and I do now intend to change this feeling. I just hope I can do it.
Many thanks to both Joshua and James for repeatedly emphasizing to me what I ought to do. This is but a small step to 'waking up', but you've put me in the right direction. With luck, I'll stay on this path. Thank you guys so much.
posted by Icicle | 2:16 AM
1 Comments:
I get that feeling too, when it's 4am and I spent the past 5 hours playing the Discworld MUD >_>
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