The Life of a College Bowler

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Location: Singapore

Monday, August 27, 2007

rawr!

okay, yes, I am blogging at *checks* 2am, coz I went totally bonkers. WHEEEEE~!

Anyways, the problem between the friends thing have been resolved (THANKS PEARLY, BRIAN AND KARI! LOVE LOVE!). Thank goodness. it was taking a whole big chunk outta me.

I survive my first weekend without maple (wow, big achievement.. for me anyways :P). Mainly due to the fact that my bro has my password. I was sooo close to strangling him for the pass on friday night -.-... But yeah, at least now the maple craving has subsided somewhat, due to the panic mode brought on by the impeding doom that is A levels.

2 weeks to prelims

9 weeks to A levels

My Organic chem is still shot, my physical chem is worse, my maths is pathetic, and my revision is all fragmented. Good luck to me. As the guys would put it. Good Game.

I'll just try my best and pray, and hope, and really try to put a stop to the whole procrastinating and lethargic mood. I need to, its only 9 more months, hope I can pull myself together for these few weeks.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Torn, Broken and Shattered,

That pretty much describes how I feel right now. There's a reason why I'm on at 2.30am and still not wanting to sleep.

I feel utterly lost. Wandering about. I don't know what happened over the past few days. It was fine last week, sure, there was some minor issues, but it was by and large ignored. Now, I've lost control of my life. Worse, I've lost control of my emotions. I've learnt it the hard way, you can try, but its hard to keep emotions on a tight reign. Especially this emotion. The feeling of emptiness, of total desolation. That gaping hole within your heart that can only be caused by somebody close to you.

I've learnt my lesson. It doesn't pay to be too nice. It doesn't pay to try to please everybody. In the end, it just rips out part of your heart, and your soul. I thought I was just trying to see the good in everybody. A kind soul if you will. I wanted to see the best in people, I wanted to trust. Now I know better. This is one of life's hard lessons that one must experience it for oneself. It is no longer any good to be nice. It is not good to be naive. Not anymore. This is a cut-throat world. I understand that now. I must be strong to survive. In order to do that, I must first fortify my heart. It was a mistake, to follow in the footsteps of my best friend. She showed me what the world could be like when you take risks and trust people around you unconditionally. She never warned of the heartache that could follow. I thank her for showing me, these few years, how wonderful friendship and trust can be. We must all leave the carefree dreams of childhood behind sometimes. The fact remains, there is very little people you can trust wholeheartedly in this world.

I will fortify myself. I will try to be as unfeeling as possible. I need to detach myself emotionally. I've cried too many tears recently. I've trusted, and now I'm left to pick up my own pieces. Its a marvel. When I'm in a more logical frame of mind, I will analyse. I will analyse exactly how I got into this position, and how I've been manipulated. I will then ensure it does not happen ever again.

I must. There is no other choice. I must detach myself to survive. It was a hard lesson, but a valid lesson nonetheless. Fragile glass has to be laminated to withstand the pressures and brunt force of what the world decides to throw at it. Just as my heart has to be fortified and kept under control for me to survive what life decides to throw at me. There is now only precious few I would trust. I would keep it that way. The less people I trust, the less chances I have of being hurt again. I will not go as far as Darcy, who stated that his good regard, once lost, is lost forever. Neither will I go back to the blindly trusting person I once was. Its time for me to wake up and see the world as it is - A bed of roses, with thorns attached.

Now begins the greatest challenge this year. To pick myself back up, piece myself back together and fortify myself in time for one of the biggest hurdles of my life. A levels.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Some Random Thing

Oh, if its possible, can the limited readers I have just follow these 2 links and do the thingy? I just felt like doing some self reflection and I thought this would be a nice way to go about it. To see what others think of me and if its what I thought of myself.

http://kevan.org/nohari?name=Icicle89

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Icicle89

Thanx =).

slaaack!

I seriously need some MOTIVATION HERE! Really. I have been more or less slacking the past few days. The national day came and went. Celebrations in school this year kinda sucks. I enjoy the celebration and all, its was just one item by an external group. Sure, it looks cool and its all professional, but there's something heartwarming about items performed by students. hope that next year, it'll be back to the good old student performance, not that I'll actually be back in school next year. I can't retain even if I wanted to.

Okie.. There's some serious backlog which I can't be bothered to go through. Actually, I'll just give a rough overview. There's that sleepover (which I can't rmb if I blogged abt). Basically, after Mid years, swim and movie at my place. Guys came over late, swam till late. Decided to make it a sleepover instead. Hit a snag, pearly's mom said no coz of some rice cooker left on at home and that she makes it a principal that Pearly doesn't sleep over at friend's house. We hatched a few plans, called her and pleaded. To cut the long story short, Pear was allowed to stay over as long as the rice cooker was turned off. So brian and pear went to turn it off and it was near midnight by the time they were home. Had sleepover, watched 200 pounds of beauty (and cried over it). Hikari called sometime arnd 2am, totally drunk over one glass of vodka. That gal rock =P. So yeah, yadda yadda, in the end, slept at arnd 3am, end of sleepover (this is the highly condensed version mind)

okie! SUSHI OUTING! Basically, Taemi, tofu, sam, jon, darren, nick and I went for a sushi outing. Went eating sushi (duh!). Sakae Sushi, lunchtime buffet for students =D. Spent about $20 each for the buffet. w00ts, did we make it worthwhile =D. Ate a whole lot. I think we ate more than 100 plate altogether. It was definately worth it though =D. We had fun ordering from the new computer systems =P. LOL, it was some great fun and we definately had our fill. (mind you, this is another CONDENSED version =P)

OKie dokey, the main topic of this post. I HAVE BEEN SLACKING! Last weekend was Samantha's 18th birthday (on the friday) and the party (on the saturday). Friday after school, rushed home to change. Went out to Orchard with pearly, Brian and Darren. I was late (as usual) and Pearly and Brian were already hanging around Orchard. I stopped at the busstop opposite Forum and went to get my new glasses =D. So thrilled, I can now see clearly =D. Plus the new specs look great on me. Not too loud, just the usual subtle type. Hardly anybody noticed that I changed glasses as it was.

Anyways, after picking up my new glasses, went to met Samantha right outside the forum and wished her a very happy 18th =D. The rest joined us outside forum a few minutes later (talk about timing! =D). So off we went to eat coz some of them were hungry. Ended up eating Mos Burgers =P. After dinner, pearly and brian had to leave. Nick, Darren, Sam and I then went SHOPPING! Went to Zara first coz Zara was having a sale. I bought a top for sam for her birthday (coz really, the best way to get her a gift is to bring her shopping). Bought a top for myself too =D. My first green top. I don't wear green in general, coz it normally makes me look more yellow. But since I tanned a fair bit, it actually looks good on me now =P. I missed shopping. I'm not a shopaholic but I haven't been shopping since November last year =P. Dennis joined us sometime during that time frame. We went to forever 21 next. Didn't buy anything there, but tried on some dresses for fun. I love dresses in general =P. These dresses look absolutely lovely, but I won't wear them out. Both of them won't allow me to wear a bra coz of the way its designed, and I feel naked and vulnerable without my bra =P. I may be open minded, but I balk at doing these kinda things, which is rather weird, coz some girls I know walks out of the house without a bra like its 2nd nature to them 0.o.

Anyways, after shopping, we walked around orchard. Bought some snacks, and some trinkets. Reason? Coz sammy wants to go drinking. Unfortunately, my bro was with me, and mom won't feel safe with us drinking just anywhere by ourselves (even though its just a pub). Granted, it'll be the first time that I'll be drinking without parental supervision. In the end, we compromised. We drank at the pub below my mom's workplace. That way, she could watch over us and we could have more fun (coz she;ll be paying). So yeah, went there. There was some birthday celebration there as it was, so we had free food =D. Had 1/3 bottle of Chivas whiskey all by ourselves. I did the usual.. I mixed whisky with coke. Sam had ribena as a mixer (don't ask). Drank finished the whole bottle (like I said, there's only abt 10% left anyways), sang some songs, played some games. Darren had to go off real early coz he had a curfew, and he hates alcohol anyways. Sam and I got slightly tipsy. Just slightly =P. We went off to the toilets, and came back and saw a random caucasian talking to Dennis. He was so obviously trying to pick us up. Really amusing actually. His accent was so strong, and he can't be heard over the singing in the background. His pick-up methods was also overly cliche. Sam and I were on our guard nonetheless. I stopped him at some point during his monologue and asked him how old he thought Sam and I were. He replied 24 =P. So there I went, totally crushed his hope (there really shouldn't be much of one anyways) told him we were barely legal. We were 18, celebrating my best friend's birthday and I really don't think he ought to hit on somebody as young as we were =P. Right after that, mom announced that it was time for us to leave coz my bro was falling asleep, so its all good =P. Woke up the next day with a slight pounding. Not very bad, I think it was dehydration. The weather's been hell lately, add in alcohol which naturally dehydrates the body and you have a massive dehydration. Hangovers are the result of dehydration in the brain anyways. Drank some water and the headache was almost gone. Went on maple and esulin suggested that I drink 100+, which worked really well =P.

Saturday was Sammy's party. Wasn't much, just went to her condo. She booked the clubhouse for the celebration and catered food. Met Kari for the first time in eons. Her HAIR! It was the new style, totally shocked us. I was late (as usual, like duh! Pam is ALWAYS late =P). Gave sammy her top as well as an additional bottle of vodka. We didn't drink much coz her dad was there, just a glass of irish cream which was alcoholic enough =P. Went home to maple a fair bit =P. Nothing much overall really, except that I got to see malvin for the first time since Last year, and the twister game was both painful and perverted =P.

National day holidays, I just mapled all the way. Not maple as in serious mapling. I'd chat with the guild at times and train at others. Did my first full orbis PQ. Tried it 6 times, died 5 times... Total joy. (Feel the sacarsm people!) It was fun anyways =P.

ANYWAYS, the point of this whole entry (which I am obviously not doing very well, totally sidetracked) is that I slacked. Alot. pearly managed to wake me up a fair deal. A lvls in 11 weeks, Prelims in barely 4 weeks. I really need to wake up and STUDY! And yet, there's hardly motivation the past few days. However, as usual, I seem to have the best of friends. James sent me a necklace he bought in Italy with a note mentioning something about studying =P. That woke me up somewhat. Recieved it last night, right before I was suppose to go out for dinner (I was forced to, Dad's korean friend came to Singapore, and we had to bring the whole family out for dinner). Wore it to dinner and afterwards, to the KTV (that was arranged last minute). Once again, drank alcohol (my my, I've been drinking more alcohol these 2 weeks than I did the entire year!). Though this time, not much. 3 glasses. by right, it shouldn't have gottn me tipsy, but they were drinking so fast! Luckily I stopped though, kept a clear head for the rest of the night, smsing people. Luckily for that... Mom got drunk, dad got drunk, bro was half asleep by the end of the night. Took the taxi home and reached home at about 3am. Sent my mom, dad and bro to bed =P. Then, what else? I mapled =P. Until 5.30am. Then chatted to James until about 6am, leaving only when I was nearly caught by grandparents =P.

Anyways, I seriously need to get motivated. I'll be quitting maple next sunday. My bro will be changing my password next week, so my entire maple account will be in his hands. Hopefully I won't maple until 22nd November (magical date people! LAST PAPER!). So, with no fanfiction, no maple, and a hell lot of good friends pushing me to study, lets hope I can get back on path. Its a good wake up call really, I've been spending the past few weeks drifting. Felt more like A levels was next year rather than in less than 3 months. And that the prelims was just a class test I could afford to fail rather than a guage of how ready I am for the A's. Oh well, now that I've gotten the urge to blog out of my systems, I'll be getting back to my homework =). This entry took me almost an hour to type out (-.-").