Random Musing

Ugh... either there's something wrong with my keyboard, or the browser or SOMETHING.  I had a helluva time beginning this post...

Anyways, fustration at the problems of computers aside, time to blog =D.

Hmm, random musing, so I shall post about anything and everything under the sun.

Firstly, STUDIES!  J2 is actually better than J1 from what I can see so far.  There's no PW for one, and that really helps.  We have pretty much gotten a grasp of the basics, we have adapted to the long and stressful hours and we now know how to cope with situations.  So yeah, I'm actually happier in J2 (so far) than I was in J1.  So, why am I still falling asleep in class? This is not good.. definately not good.  I soooo need to stay awake more.  Must start bringing truckloads of sweets to class and start sleeping early (with midnight being my new bedtime), screw it if I get fat... MUST STAY AWAKE DAMMIT!  So yeah, aside from the sleeping-in-class problems, I actually am beginning to like some of my classes.  Though that might be because I had a total change of teachers this year.  Bio - Photosynthesis isn't as bad as I'd imagine, Genetics is actually FUN =D.  Chemistry... inorganic chem is actually kinda okay.  Actually, Organic chem is not that bad, but I just cbfed memorising the life outta my notes.  Literature is actually kinda fun as well, once I properly internalised the basics learnt from last year, it really isn't so hard.  GP... well... I'm failing GP, but its due to laziness on my part than anything else.  I blame myself for not reading my times magazine and the content articles given by the teachers, so I'll need to buck up, pronto.

I need to rememeber that I am in JC for good grades, I'm not fighting with my schoolmates, I'm fighting with the NATION, I need to get A's, not passes.  I NEED TO DO WELL DAMMIT!  So yeah.. need to start to be more serious about my studies.

Hmmm... next on the list. BOWLING =D.  I was actually not too interested in bowling for a while *OMG! PAM?! not interested in bowling?! THE WORLD IS ENDING!*... buuuut, I've gotten my drive back =D.  The whole fiasco with the Excos, well, I'm not stirring anymore trouble, and they don't mention it either, so we're both pretending that it didn't happen, which is probably for the best.  My bowling captain just informed me that for the doubles, I'd probably be paired with her.  This is good coz it means that I'm good enough to be paired with her (I hope?).  So yeah, we've both reached an unspoken agreement to build as much rapport with each other as possible.  On the not-so-nice note, my bowling has deproved (I know there's no such word, but this is MY BLOG, so =P).  I can no longer hit 130+++ with ease... in fact, whenever I hit 100+, I breath a sigh of relief, and I'm hitting like 110+ as average. Not good.  But then again, I've been feeling extremely fustrated over the scores lately, so I'll just try and relax and focus on the technique for now.

Hmmm... what else?  My family... They're kinda fine.  The same problem between mom and dad.  Again.  and I, as usual, am caught in the middle.  Kinda like a double agent once you think about it.  I choose what information I wish to divulge to each party, and I do try my best to tell all the good stuff and hide all the not-so-nice things.  But my parents are stubborn... hey, I need to get my stubborn streak from SOMEWHERE! =P.  So yeah, my heart aches for both of them, more for my mom coz I empathize more with her.  I'd hate to be the a similiar situation in a few decade;s time.  My gran on the other hand, is doing well.  The tumor has been removed, the cancer has been bought to the lab to be analysed, and the results back on monday.  Shes doing fine, and with the huge amount of painkillers she's been given, she'll be okay.  Just hope that the lab result on monday won't be so bad *prays*.  Nick also have been doing well academically.  He just recieved a volley of severe lectures from the family (myself included) about priorities and such, but other than the usual lack of interest in school from any 14 year old, he's actually pretty good, and I'm proud of him =).

Now, onto my darling.  We realised that talking is actually way better than anything else.  We had a heart-to-heart talk lately =D.  I guess I really am lucky to have him.  Its not easy to find a guy that puts up with me, as in the real me, as well as he does.  He's able to slip through my mask easily enough, and most importantly, he doesn't run away when he sees the true me.  Though he haven';t seen EVERY aspect of the true me yet, I'm just glad he's still here after what he's seen.  That I'm not lady-like, even though I can act as the most refined pearl in the world when the occasion demands it.  That I am insecure, even though I put on a brave face in front of everybody, including my family.  That I am violent, and he even allows me to hit him when I needed an outlet.  (I need to get a punching bag I think...).  That I am simply not perfect, and he accepts that as part of me.  He doesn't simply tolerate them because he likes me, no, he accepts them as part of me and for that, I adore him.  I won't use the word 'love'.  That is a strong word and I refuse to throw it left right and centre like so many people nowadays, and I think I'll only ever use that word in regards to my husband and my family.  Not love, but definately something close to that.  

Anyways, I'll end off on this mushy, cliche, totally-out-of-a-romance-novel note and will update the next time I felt like it.  For some reason, I woke up from my nap that I didn't really need but wanted, feeling totally revitalised, and raring to go to tackle every singly challenge thrown at me, feeling the most clear headed than I have been in the past few YEARS, and willing to change myself in order to better myself, and that, I will strive to do.

Respect is VERY important

I shall happily post a post on respect as, having experienced the senario where a leader isn't showing respect to their peers, I have to say that Respect is VERY IMPORTANT in life, especially to a Leader. Now, why did I highlight leaders? Well, Leaders are in a position of power, however, they're only as powerful as their followers. And how do they gain followers? by Showing respect and being responsible. Look at it this way,  We elect a leader, and we can choose whether we want to follow that leader, and a leader have to PROVE to us little ones if they're worth following, and they do that by being a good leader, by showing respect.

As I recall from my leadership camp, a leader is practically a slave to the general population. They call it servant leadership. A leader is suppose to do whatever it is in their power to ensure that the others are nice and happy, and that a leader has a long and lonely path.

Now, I got totally and utterly PEEVED during bowling training on Friday. For those who actually knows me, this is actually really weird. For one, I totally love bowling, a total and absolute bowling fanatic. For another, aside from my family, I doubt any of my friends have seen me mad before (hey, and I was really trying to contain my anger at that point..).

Apparently, The Excos have agreed that my Boyfriend and I have been getting a tad bit too close during training (A few hugs here and there to cheer each other up, we all have our bad days... even more so for us coz competition is near and we have high expectations for ourselves). So, Instead of being RESPONSIBLE, MATURE and RESPECTFUL, they totally disregarded our feelings and started to think about bringing up the matter to our CTs to handle. When, just nicely, our coach told them that it wasn;t needed that that he will tell us himself. Now, when I found out, I was a little peeved, after all, who likes to know that they're being talked about avidly behind their back? I asked a dear friend of mine who happens to be in the Exco, and he said that the only reason that they didn't inform us of our apparent misconduct was because they didn't know HOW to do so. and here I naively thought that being a leader is to step outta the comfort zone and to do what's right... how silly of me. I was upset, not because of the fact that hugs are seen as wrong (hey, my gal friend from bowling all but raped me last year) but that they didn't respect me as a person and as a team member and tell it to my face that it was wrong. Rather, they went behind my back, and tried to involve higher authorities when they were uncomfortable about the subject. Really, if they actually went to the teachers, I would have quit bowling. There's no point in me being in a CCA where I'm clearly looked down upon, unwanted, and disrespected.

As it is, I'm still seething about the way I was treated, especially when my personal message displayed my displeasure about respect being important, and my captain's message flashing back saying that if I wanted respect, I ought to earn it and that i wasn't the only one with a boyfriend. I can only assume that she never did attend the same type of leadership course as I did about servant leadership and how leaders ought to show respect before being given respect. Now, I suppose that there's not much I can do other than to bite my tongue till it bleeds, coz I doubt that there will be any other way in which I will really shut up about this. I'll rant more if and when I feel like it, but as if now, its way too late and there's school tomorrow. So, for today, the rant shall be over until such that my emotions gets riled up again.

Intro

I suppose that I ought to intro myself first. I'm an 18 year old female. Studying in Singapore and in a Junior College at that (aka. Hell on Earth). I'm in the School Bowling team, and My subjects are mathematics, Chemistry, Biology and Minor Literature. I have a brother, a set of parents, a set of paternal grandparents and 2 turtles living with me, though I'm hardly home... due to the killer schedule of school. I'm a harry Potter Fanatic, and enjoys reading, bowling, chatting and watching TV, I'll post more about myself after I rant about crap..